I hate the fact that I don’t have a full-time job right now because everyday feels like I’m doing pretty much the same thing over and over. It gets tiring and annoying sometimes, especially when I've already done what I'm asked to do, and yet people would complain and blame me for one piece of their personal stuff that’s missing! Ugh! I don’t want to sound so typical and cliché, but it’s just that nowadays there are so many mixed feelings and emotions going through my mind.
It’s been 6 years now since I left the Philippines and until now I still feel like I’ve never moved on yet. I mean the feeling of being home sick and lonely is still haunting me, especially at this point of my life. I’m restless. I’m stressed. I’m hurting and I want to go back home so bad. =(
Before, everything seemed so easy because no matter how many dramas I experienced, I was surrounded by many wonderful, optimistic, and God-fearing people. They helped me a lot. I miss my sister, who has become my second mom, my brother-in-law, who makes me feel secure all the time, and my nephew, who makes me smile whenever and whatever. I also miss my ministries there and the mundane things most – going up on top of our church’s roof to pick mango, ride “jeep” or “tricycle”, mall strolling even if I only have 20 pesos in my pocket, etc. Those were good times. I’m not saying my life here or the people I’m with here in the U.S are bad. Nor am I saying I’m not happy with them… It’s just that I don’t feel as whole or complete as I use too.
Oh God… out of everyone else… you are the only one who knows me. Who sees what’s inside me. I only want and need one thing right now… and that’s your presence. Please forgive me for not listening to you… for being disobedient most of the time. I’m sorry Daddy. My HEART beats only for you… I love you so much!
I don’t really know how I ended up writing about this. I cannot organize my thoughts coherently. But before I become even more dramatic… here’s a video of Jeremy a.k.a Passion. He’s an independent artist here in the bay area whom I’ve met last year but has recently had a chance to be friends with him for real 4 days ago. YAY! Anyhow, I love his version of this song entitled, “Pure Heart”. And since this is what I long and strive for right now, I decided to share it with you guys as well. Be blessed everyone!